there-could-be-a-sting-in-the-tale

Eddie (his real name, age 37) had been running his website for almost 20 years now. You may have come across it whilst searching for inspiration (!) on the internet: - EDDIE’S READY – DEBUNKER OF MYTHS, TELLER OF TRUTHS AND LICENSED SPIRITUALIST He’d started it as a bit of a joke whilst at University. The freshers were clogging up the Students Union bar, making his enjoyment of the evening as a whole and the obtaining of beer in particular difficult. Loud and crowded. Just what he hated. But then he overheard a conversation on the next table. “I’m telling you now,” said one, beer glass swinging violently from side to side, “Princess Diana was killed on the orders of the royal family. It wasn’t an accident at all. It’s obvious.” Another member of the group turned to the speaker. “Don’t talk crap. The driver of the car was pissed. It was travelling too fast. An accident, pure and simple. Sad but unfortunately true. Prove to me it wasn’t an accident.” The conversation became mor...

It was a time after lockdown started and before the restrictions began to be lifted. Jeff was getting ready for work. He was putting on his police jacket in his bedroom, whilst his wife Audrey was watching and thinking about men in uniforms. Other men in uniforms. His was an important job at the best of times. The new guidelines reinforced this fact, but as pubs and restaurants were now shut and travel restricted, the night shift didn’t hold the appeal it once did. Getting the hurry-up to break up a brawl in a pub or a car-park; stopping a driver on suspicion of being over the limit; catching a scrote urinating in a public place; these kinds of things got his pulse racing. Now, though, the town was dead in the evenings. His hopes had been raised when he’d read about lockdown-breakers, but who’d want to do something so stupid in his town? And where would they go to do it? No-one from other places locally would want to visit, so it was the prospect of another boring night travelling ...

They didn’t want to make fools of themselves, so they chose a long, straight bit of the canal upon which to land as gracefully as possible. If it all went a bit pear-shaped, at least they would have plenty of water available to use to rectify any problems occurring. Sadly, as they were ducks, the expression ‘gracefully’ tends not to apply when such fowl are out of the water, particularly where landing on it is concerned. The actual event itself would have gone viral had it been filmed and downloaded to social media. It was a blustery day. The pair of them glided down towards the water, side by side as they had been taught by their parents, and had indeed done many times before. However, at the critical moment, which as any duck will tell you is immediately before making contact with the water with your webbed feet pushed forwards to act as brakes once they touch it initially, a strong gust of wind blew up from nowhere and completely unbalanced them. Instead of pointing forwards as in...