CATS, HUSBANDS, HOLIDAYS, MYSTERY and MORE! January to March With hindsight, things didn’t get off to a great start at Chez Nocturne, my lovely home. The traditional New Year’s Day lunch with neighbours to celebrate a new beginning was endangered when my cat jumped on to the table as we were eating the starters, and then tragically ruined when he had an epileptic fit. I watched in horror as convulsions, spasms and contractions threw Algernon (the cat) into the delightful, if slightly spicy, salsa I had lovingly spent almost an hour preparing especially for the occasion. With his paws now totally uncoordinated, the cat proceeded to spray my creation over guests and carpet alike, like a young child feeding bread to ducks for the first time. A strange silence enveloped the room. Guests were open-mouthed in astonishment as they watched the ghastly scene unfold. Then, the cat stopped twitching and collapsed. Sadly, Algernon had miaowed his last. The rest of the lunch was cance...
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YO-YO 1. A Brief Introduction Offhand, I can’t think of anyone who looks good in a purple suit, with the possible exception of Prince. And the jury remains out on that. Yet, here I am, resplendent in purple, pushing buttons and speaking only when I’m spoken to. Even the machine I pseudo-control has a voice, so the provision of basic, general information to uninterested individuals is something I don’t need to do. Unsure if I have an opinion about that. In case you haven’t worked it out, I’m a lift attendant. Quite ironic, given how Prince died, but I digress. What, I hear you cry, they still exist? Yes, they do, but they’re a dying breed as technology continues to pick off the more rudimentary jobs in the world and automate without compassion or apology. There are certain parameters: - 1. Such jobs are usually only available in bigger cities with tall buildings. ...
One Year At A Time - Year 1
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ONE YEAR AT A TIME - YEAR 1 January A quiet New Year, enlivened mid-month by news from Abigail’s school that she’d accidentally and inadvertently almost set fire to the laboratory during a Chemistry assignment. She’s only 14! Not sure whether to be proud or concerned. Authorities understandably not overly impressed. But it’s their fault for providing a wide number of chemicals for her to experiment with and allowing students to undertake research online. As per, I ticked off the Christmas cards received against my list of those sent. There will be a number of deletions made before the end of the year. I don’t know why I bother to send a card to my sister. She never reciprocates. Ignorant cow. February ‘Trixie the cat pongs awful’, shouted Reggie (3) to me whilst he was cleaning his teeth after celebrating Pancake Tuesday. He was right about the smell but, having inspected Trixie, I just couldn’t work out where it was coming from. It certainly wasn’t her. I checked very carefu...